THE VEGAN DIARIES: Idiotic statements

A long while ago I wrote about the stupid shit people say to vegans, now I’m back with a belter… Now I’m not going to disclose who this is, some of you will know because I ranted at you shortly after it happened, because I’m not here to name and shame, just to highlight how judgemental and insensitive non-vegan people can be but more importantly, how a calm but clear answer can be effective.

Here goes:

Here’s the thing that I find really hypocritical about vegans, why do you need to make your food look like meat?
Oh avocado gods, help me out here? It was in this moment (that felt like 10 minutes but was actually mere seconds) that I thought quite a few things:
  • What the fuck are you talking about?
  • Who the fuck do you think you are judging me?
  • How the fuck do I answer this calmly and politely but also firmly
  • This conversation is terrible but great content for the blog…
Ok I swear a lot but this is genuinely what raced through my head. So, what’s the deal with faux meats? Do they make us hypocrites? Should we be eating them?

OF COURSE WE FUCKING SHOULD*

*obviously only if you want to
Ok, where do I start? Faux meats (and cheeses, and butters) are an essential way for some people to move over to a vegan lifestyle. Most of us haven’t had the joy of growing up vegan, hell some of us were full blown meat eaters for 29 years. I think it’s very tough to go from growing up in a society that raises children to love some animals and eat others to completely vegan so by replacing current meals with vegan alternatives, I think the transition becomes a little easier.
  • Swap cheese on toast for vegan cheese
  • Trade your fish finger sarnie for fishless fingers
  • Find some good sausages
  • Switch your bacon (all other vegan bacon needs to get in the bin)
Faux meats and cheeses are processed foods, so in the same way that we all agree chicken nuggets aren’t the best nutritional choice, neither are the meatless alternatives. BUT who am I to say no to the bacon pancakes at the Herbivore Kitchen? Or turn down the new vegan Quorn ham slices because I quite fancy something that tastes like an old childhood favourite (ham and butter in cheap, white bread).
And I’m sure you’re all desperate to know exactly what I said, well I won’t keep you hanging anymore:
Fake meats are made from plants so who really cares what people what people are eating to be vegan. Most vegans didn’t go vegan because they hate the taste of meat, I certainly didn’t, but we do hate the cruelty behind it. So vegan meats and cheeses are often used to full that gap left when people go vegan. Yeh, I don’t really care how people stick at being vegan, the fake bacon hits the spot sometimes!
However, if you want to read what I wanted to say…
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Why do you even care what I eat?! My food is made of plants, flavoured by plants and no animals had to die for it to arrive on my plate. Do you understand what hypocrisy is? Do you really understand how hypocritical it is to say you love animals and eat them?! Why do people cook meat in plants to flavour it if it’s so fucking good huh? Prick. Go away.

 

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